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Have you ever wished you were different? What a simple, pedal boat taught me about self acceptance
by Marjana | Mindset tips | May 2021
In today’s post, I talk about how to navigate comparing your reactions, or yourself, to others – and how a simple, pedal boat brought up my insecurities, and what it taught me about self acceptance. (Click to watch the video, or scroll down if you’d prefer to read.)
(Click here to watch if you can’t see the video above. Please note: This video’s introduction has my previous coaching focus – this has now changed to helping women create a life which feels fulfilling and aligned to what they want.)
How what should’ve been a relaxing pedal boat experience went awry
A couple of years ago, I went boating in London. It was one of those simple pedal boats for a few people, which you can rent for half an hour. I was there with my sister, and neither of us had much pedal boat experience. If you’ve not been boating in Hyde Park, they let you go down the river and it’s quite long and wide.
For the first 15 minutes or so it was fine, but then, as we were trying to turn around and come back, it was really windy. We were trying to get the boat back – but we were pedalling against the wind. Neither of us really knew what to do, or how to steer the boat properly, so the boat was being steered off course by the wind. We were meant to get back by a certain time, and it was a struggle to get back against the wind. What should have been a fun and relaxing boat ride suddenly felt really stressful for me.
In the end, everything was fine and we did manage to get back in time. But I’d felt in over my head, stressed out, and overwhelmed in the moment. But my sister was relaxed and thought that the whole thing was fun and amusing. And everyone else around us seemed calm and happy too.
Can you relate to feeling critical of yourself or your reactions?
Afterwards, when I thought about how my sister reacted, I wondered why I’d felt so worried. I wished I could go more with the flow, that I could be calmer and less anxious about things in general. I thought, in a way, that my reaction was wrong and worse than hers somehow.
Can you think of a time you’ve similarly felt like your reaction was wrong in some way? Or that you wished you were different?
The whole thing made me think about how different we all are, and how we do all react differently in the same situation. It also made me think about how sometimes we can’t help but compare our reactions to others, or how we think we ‘should’ be.
Our reactions and feelings are unique
In this case, neither of our reactions was better or worse. They were just our individual reactions and feelings. But I used to be really critical of myself, especially of my reactions and emotions when I felt they were ‘wrong’, or not ideal in some way.
We also tend to be so much more critical of ourselves than we are of others. In that moment, if my sister had been the one who had felt stressed and I hadn’t been, there’s no way I would have thought she shouldn’t feel that way.
We can also be critical of the same parts of our personalities that help us in other instances too. It’s worth taking the time to think about how the same trait can be helpful and what we love about it. Of course, if it’s something we genuinely want to change, or don’t find useful, we can think about that, but I think we can do that in a way that’s kind as well.
When I coach people, I see this a lot, and I help them notice and think about how to do this in a way that works better for them. These days, even though I can’t always do it in the moment, rather than criticising myself, or wishing I was another way, I try my best to be kind to myself and accept my reactions as they are, with compassion.
Questions you can try asking yourself next time
I invite you to think about these questions next time you feel critical of yourself or your reaction to something:
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What is it about my reaction that I wish was different?
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What would I say to someone I loved if they’d felt or reacted that way?
- How does the same trait I’m feeling critical of right now work well for me at times?
To sum up
I think there are times when we can’t help but compare our reactions to others, or wish our reactions were different in some way. But, rather than being critical, I think it’s much kinder to be compassionate with ourselves and those things – and meet those reactions with kindness and acceptance.
If what I talked about today resonated, I’d love to hear your comments and what your takeaway is!
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Have a look at my other posts for more mindset tips & inspiration:
– How to approach something that feels scary so it’s easier
– How to probe deeper and tap into alternative options when you feel stuck
– Do you feel like something is missing from your life?
– How to focus more time on things that are important to you
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